I have always shared a kinship with Hank Hill. Some could say that after my father and grandfather he is one my top male role models. All three of these men have certain rules a man should follow, but this isn’t their list. This is my list. If you do these things it doesn’t mean you are not a man, because lets face it, you still have the parts. But when you do these things my imaginary friends and I will take a few points off of your high score.
Never let anyone see you put on chapstick
Never wear a hoodie with a sports coat
Do not drink out of a straw unless the cup comes with a lid
Never go outside the house in jogging pants unless you are jogging
No occasion calls for a fist bump
If you need to wear a coat then change your shorts to jeans
Never wear socks with sandals
Take your socks off when you have sex
Daiquiris are only acceptable on tropical islands
Do not wear cowboy boots unless you work with cows
Do not wear bicycle shorts, even on a bicycle
Fingernails should not be longer than your finger
Deodorant is not a substitute for a shower
Perfume is for women
Never order a salad unless it comes with the meal
Never talk to another man while peeing in a stall beside him
Never share a cigarette with another man (unless it is an illegal substance)
Your undershirt is not a Kleenex
Never use a slang term unless it is still acceptable ten years later
The only acceptable type of body spray is bug repellent
No phone call should last over 3 min.
Never dance by yourself, even if no one is watching
The only time shaving your chest is acceptable is before surgery.