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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Man Rules

I have always shared a kinship with Hank Hill.  Some could say that after my father and grandfather he is one my top male role models.  All three of these men have certain rules a man should follow, but this isn’t their list.  This is my list.  If you do these things it doesn’t mean you are not a man, because lets face it, you still have the parts.  But when you do these things my imaginary friends and I will take a few points off of your high score.

Man Rules

Never let anyone see you put on chapstick

Never wear a hoodie with a sports coat

Do not drink out of a straw unless the cup comes with a lid

Never go outside the house in jogging pants unless you are jogging

No occasion calls for a fist bump

If you need to wear a coat then change your shorts to jeans

Never wear socks with sandals

Take your socks off when you have sex

Daiquiris are only acceptable on tropical islands

Do not wear cowboy boots unless you work with cows

Do not wear bicycle shorts, even on a bicycle

Fingernails should not be longer than your finger

Deodorant is not a substitute for a shower

Perfume is for women

Never order a salad unless it comes with the meal

Never talk to another man while peeing in a stall beside him

Never share a cigarette with another man (unless it is an illegal substance)

Your undershirt is not a Kleenex

Never use a slang term unless it is still acceptable ten years later

The only acceptable type of body spray is bug repellent

No phone call should last over 3 min.

Never dance by yourself, even if no one is watching

The only time shaving your chest is acceptable is before surgery.

1 comment:

  1. "Take your socks off when you have sex"

    If nothing else on this list is followed, that should be the sole exception.

    ReplyDelete